I find myself in a place where I am physically and emotionally drained and it’s okay.
It’s not like I want to sleep all the time but my body is just tired. Over the last 14 days I’ve driven 2900km which only 280 of it were without my kids. Only 1100 of it was with my husband. The rest of the time I did SOLO driving. We love it though, we treasure our time spent in the car, exploring our beautiful country. Traveling can however be so exhausting, but to make it even more exhausting is the packing and the unpacking and then packing again. I actually find this the worst of all.
I’ve had so many sad sad good-byes in just two weeks that it has completely drained me from my emotions. I actually never thought of it before the time and it just happened to be all more or less in a space of one week.
I said bonvoyage to my amazing friend who has moved to the UK and won’t be coming back. It’s bad enough to say good-bye but she was such a big part of my every day life it’s almost like saying good-bye to a certain routine. A life as I knew it is over. We lived like 200m apart from one another, in the same security complex and although we didn’t visit every single day, I saw her every single day. I’ll miss that forever.
I’ve had to say good-bye to my home away from home. We made a quick but amazing trip down to Cape Town. Completely unplanned but I’m so glad we did it. Every time I’m there I literally don’t want to come back home. I’ve tried everything but hubby says we can’t move. At least it has changed to YET. I can’t explain it, it’s like a piece of my heart stays behind each time I leave and I only feel “that” contentment again once I’m back there.
A good friend of mine asked me some valid questions as to why I feel so strong about this place but that’s a story for another day.
Fact is I was heart broken… again, just driving away leaving the Cape behind me is not easy and emotionally drains me. It’s not just going home after an amazing holiday, it’s more. It’s like driving away from where your heart and will lives.
My kids, my four energetic, loud, busy, noisy, crazy kiddies. I had to say good-bye to them. I know I’m blessed to get time out. I know I’m blessed to have someone to take my kids that I trust enough to get that break. But that doesn’t change the fact that it is an emotional killer. They are my life! Everything I do I plan around them. Their likes, their schedule, their routine. From day one it’s been all about them and without them I kind of feel like I have no purpose. I know this is not true and I don’t believe it for a second but when we do something this emotional, feelings win sometimes.
My house has gone from messy and loud to clean and quiet. I know they are going to have an amazing time and although its a whole two weeks, I’m sure time will fly. I just need to keep myself busy, I think it’s the only way to survive when you miss someone so bad you can feel it in your core.
Before Cape Town
Cape Town wasn’t planned, but once I decided there was enough time to get down there with the family I had to spark. I wanted to be sure everything was 100% ready and finished for the kids trip so that we could just collect and go.
Unfortunately things didn’t run smooth…. at all and again just added to the emotional pressure.
All I had left to do was collect the passport from the travel agent. I left it there to sort out their visa’s. The day after we got back from the Cape I went there first thing the morning to collect the 4 passports and the travel agent never collected the passports. Imagine how my heart just dropped into my shoe’s.
The passports were ready for collection on the 21st June already and being Thursday the 28th June, there was no time left to collect. The Ghana embassy closes on a Thursday until a Monday and they literally had a couple of hours to make a plan. Although it was their mistake and their problem to fix, ultimately it became my problem and just added to the stress.
We eventually got the passports two hours before they booked in.
I sorted this long before we left for Cape Town. The prescription was faxed and all I had to do was to collect. Having so much to do before Cape Town I never collected the pills. I knew I had time once back at home and I knew the prescription was waiting.
Straight after the passport news I went to the pharmacy. Again to find that they didn’t get the pills ready. There was some mess up and between two pharmacies no one “received” the prescription. PROBLEM!!! BIG PROBLEM. This was the day we were leaving town and this was the day the kids had to start their medication.
I eventually left with only half the pills, no passports and my own faith that everything will work out.
Friday, One Day To Go
While we were in Cape Town my eldest daughter got tooth ache and an apses. I knew I had to sort this out before their departure, she had this problem before and our dentist said if it happens again we have to remove the tooth.
Only one slight problem, she has a phobia for needles. I had to organise they do it in hospital while she is completely under. This all sounded easy in my mind, but it turned out to be a very emotional morning. She started crying the moment we walked in. She did not want to cooperate with any of the nurses or doctors. She was so scared. She only calmed down once the drip (needle) was removed from her arm at 13:30 Friday afternoon. My heart braked for her, the fear was so real, I could see it in her eyes.
I kept saying to her, “please just calm down my baby,” but there was no chance. She knew what was coming, knowing that drip was going to be there when she wakes just completely ruled her young mind.
In the mean time I still had the “worry” of the malaria medication as well as the passports.
Everything Worked Out OK
Although all the plans changed for Saturday due to the passports, we arrived at the airport in time with two cars, four kids, four passports and all their medication.
Saying good-bye to them was so hard, and yes I tried not to cry and to be strong for them but no I didn’t succeed. We all cried, even my mom.
They left and arrived safely. They are having a wonderful time and lets face it, no one can spoil a child like the grandparents. They are also enjoying amazing Summer weather and I am so thankful they’ve got this time to break away.
I drove away from the airport, alone because we had two cars and felt like I left another piece of my heart behind. Home is not the same, but it’s okay.
God is my strength in everything and even if I find myself on an emotional journey I always have the comfort of his love. Everything worked out ok, and I’ll be ok.