Being a mom of four and having had them all in less than five years, I never thought I will ever be rid of nappies, bottles, dummies or toddlers, but believe it or not, I look back today nearly nine years later and I am officially without any of the above mentioned.
I can’t believe it. A big part of my heart is so sore about this and I find myself in a place where I know I’ll be missing these past nine years for years to come.
What Exactly Is This Feeling?
For so many years I was their only favorite. I was their only person. I was needed all the time, for absolutely everything and all that is about to change slowly but surely. No more wiping bums, no more “mommy I need to pee-pee” no more running their baths, rubbing them with cream, kisses and endless cuddles with those little arms wrapped around my neck. It’s all going to come to an end soon.
It has already begun and I am sad. I know I will always be their mom and they will always love me. But I also know those years where they don’t like us much will creep in and its all happening much faster than I ever expected.
I remember the years where I use to feel overwhelmed by four little people hanging onto me and now they are just big in a blink of an eye. They just stopped hanging. They don’t depend so much anymore. Why am I not doing my happy dance?
I feel sad. I feel grateful that I never missed a thing, but still sad. I was there for everything, every step of the way.
I also feel relieved in a way because we made it this far. I am thankful because I know we are so blessed as a family, having had the years that I’ve had with my babies. Blessed gifted years.
We are now moving into a new stage. A stage where the kids will grow and go from being kids to being teens. Where the little busy bodies will calm down and their days will be filled with other things than just mom. Soon all the baby toys will go and all these “hectic” years will be forgotten.
They will all slowly but surely develop into the people they will become one day in their future in their own way leaving their own mark.
I am excited for their future and I am excited to be a part of their journey but it’s about to become their journey, not mine.
What About Me
I have given up everything to become their mom, with no regrets it was the best decision in my life but it’s time to find me again. I have allowed myself over the past ten months to slowly find little things for me again. I knew it was coming and I wanted something for myself, something I could call mine when they don’t need me so much any more.
I Just Want To Tell My Kids
This has been the best years of my life. Crazy chaotic wild years where I walked straight into myself on a daily basis. I learned to relax and let go. I learned where my true treasures are in life. I will always look back at this time and know it was a gift from God. You gave me purpose. You taught me the meaning of instant true love. You gave me comfort when you didn’t even know. You helped me become a better person every day. You give me hope every single day. You made me question myself to become more and better. You helped me see out the box far beyond what is normal. Because of you I became a better person and because of you I understand love. I love you guys and I am looking forward to the next phase of our lives together. You make me proud. I am a proud mom.
Thank you for always loving me, no matter what. You are mine, and I am yours and this is exactly how God wanted it to be.
You are my reason.