Don’t Feast On The Negatives
When It Rains
They say when it rains, it pours. I can actually testify that this could possibly be true. I am sitting next to my daughter’s hospital bed, waiting for the doctor. Thinking back over the past three months and everything we have been through and walked away from amazes me. I feel nothing but gratitude. With a thankful heart it is possible to look at the glass half full instead of half empty. Either way, the glass is filled with the same amount of water. The trick is not in how much water occupies the glass, but how we see the water inside the glass.
Sometimes life just turns upside down, for unexplained reasons called life. It is how we carry ourselves (especially as moms) through these difficult times that will ultimately teach those around us how to behave as well as cope during difficult times one day. They say kids learn from example. I believe this with my whole heart.
In the past fifteen weeks we have gone through so much, and as I name these events in my head I honestly don’t feel overwhelmed or spooked by any of it. The reason? We made it through. Circumstances were concurred.
31 May 2020
It all started on 31 May when my husband was admitted to hospital with phenomena and COVID19. I had a moment of weakness, where I felt lost and scared. Unable to think straight, unable to focus on the next step. I honestly believed I will never see him again. But I very quickly snapped out of it and took charge. There is no point in lying down when a war starts. I decided to fight instead of surrender. The following week my kids tested positive with COVID19, and although they say kids don’t get it bad, my ten year old was very sick for twelve days. As we all know a cake is never complete without icing and cherries. Our geyser burst at our house in the Free State, not when, on Monday 1 June. Sorting out little things where you live is a mission, but doing it three hundred kilometres away is just a thorn in the side. Results to the start of winter was a delayed third term (first one for home schooling), a house full of sick people, quarantine and freezing cold weather conditions.
Winter In My Soul
Thankfully everyone recovered eventually. We were finally able to pick up the pieces and start living again. It wasn’t long before the second wave hit. My dear Lydia and right hand at home lost her husband due to Covid19 only four weeks after Barry was admitted. Her sons phoned me in the early morning hours and when she fell into my arms, my heart broke with hers as she realised she will never see or speak to her husband again.
The day she left to be with her family, everything went wrong in our house. Our dishwasher and wash machine broke. We were finally in a semi routine and in one moment everything collapsed. Everyone was back to school and work and things were looking a little better when this all happened. It was as if winter didn’t just affect the weather, but also found a place of rest inside my soul.
The Third Wave
Lydia came back after three weeks, we were so happy to see her. By the time she returned everything broken was now fixed. Things just started to get normal again when the third wave hit. My mother in-law got sick with phenomena. After trying to avoid hospitals, she was eventually admitted. We lost her five days later. I have now seen my husband loose both his parents and if I were ever given the opportunity to take anything back, it would be this. His pain reached deep inside my heart.
Don’t Feast On It
Sometimes, for a split second I allow myself to wonder; “What is the point in even trying?” But here’s the thing. What is the point in not trying? Either way we will face our trials, we have to live through the things on our path so we might as well put up a good fight. I don’t know why things work out the way they do, but I do know there is a purpose and a lesson in everything. I also know I serve a mighty God, one that gives me the strength to endure. He gave me the ability to rise and I will shine, no matter what He puts in front of me.
Yes I have been exhausted. There were days where I just wanted to stay under the covers. The trick is to acknowledge those moments but not feast on it. Know who you are in Christ, draw near to Him in the valley of death and He will set you free.
The Forth Wave
I was sitting in hospital next to my daughter while she was sleeping when I decided to share this with you. She fell off her motorbike. A simple and common mistake, she panicked and used her front brakes, flew over the handlebars and the only area on her body that was not padded is now broken. Her elbow. As hard as this past week has been, I was able to teach her things I would not be able to under normal circumstances. Twice they wanted to operate on her arm, and twice we took hands in the hospital and prayed. Both times she was cleared from surgery. To me this is something you can’t just teach, she lived through those miracles and now at such a young age experienced the power of God.
Honestly I don’t know if there will be more, I hope not but I also know God is with me, no matter what. How do I do it? I put one foot in front of the other. I do what is expected every day, and I give it my all. Even on those days I don’t feel like it. Instead of focussing on what’s going wrong, I focus on the things that are going right. There is always a silver lining. There is always a break through. It’s called grace. By God’s grace we stand. By His grace I am able, because He enables me.
We all have a story, we all face things we wish not too. Let’s put our trust in the Lord, because He really is the prince of peace. And if man can go to bed with a peaceful mind and soul, we can succeed in everything God puts in front of us.
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