I’m Still Here And I See You
I’ve never felt this fragile in life before. It’s like I’m being stripped completely for an examination of great importance.
I’m in a good space, but it’s a tight space. God is digging so deep and I just realize more and more that every day is a gift. We can’t take any moments for granted.
As I’m preparing to climb Kilimanjaro I find myself in a place where I’ve never been before. I feel like the only thing to do in this situation is hold onto God and not look left or right.
It takes everything inside me to stay focused and on track without being diverted with thoughts and fear.
Knowing what’s coming is not easy. I’m not scared of climbing the mountain, don’t get me wrong. I just know what’s coming and the fear of not finishing can creep up and take over completely. I try not think of the little things but a mind is a powerful thing and I constantly have to divert my thoughts from something that could be negative towards something more positive. Something more bearable. This in itself is constant hard work, work within myself and it’s taking its toll.
I believe in myself. I believe in a powerful God. I believe I can do anything I put my mind to especially when I put my hope and trust in God, but then I find myself thinking of the “tough” things ahead and I want to go hide. I guess it’s normal, especially because I know so much.
This is by far the biggest thing I’ve ever taken on and I am mentally and emotionally challenged every single day.
I’ve had my fair share of physical issues. I’m currently dealing with the fact that I need to gain weight and I’m not.
Look, if I don’t then I don’t and I have to climb the mountain with what I’ve got. But I would have liked to know that I have reserves tucked away somewhere.
I’m training, but again is it enough? Am I training the right way? Am I preparing my body for what’s coming or am I just overthinking it all?
Emotionally I feel strong and positive except for those little thoughts of the kids I’m leaving behind. I’m also going to miss my eldest daughter’s ninth birthday, which is a big deal.
I had a thought. How do I climb a mountain feeling the way I do. I’m physically exhausted. We are finishing week seven of the school term, I’m launching my new Muppie Lounge range next week and there’s still so much to do for the week after I get back from climbing the mountain because I head straight to Aardklop.
I work till eleven twelve at night, up early, train for hours and just never sit and do nothing. I know this is all normal for adults, it’s what we do. We go and hardly ever get a moment to breath. But I’m not going to rest before the mountain, in fact the closer the time comes, the harder I’m pushing which means less sleep, more training, more school tests and the list continues. And I have no choice. I just have no choice, now is the time to push and give everything I’ve got.
This all leads to just one simple result – exhaustion.
God Is Here
God is here, I feel Him. He is watching over me and He is my strength. I felt defeated this week and got the most amazing message from a dear friend and it was a message straight from God.
She also shared this video with me and I literally had to leave the table and go have a little emotional party in the bathroom.
This is where things get real. When you have nothing left and God steps in. This is where He takes over and I follow. I see it happening and with Kilimanjaro ahead I’m positive He will always be one step ahead of me. He’s the one that will carry me, and I’m so thankful to be sharing this with my dad.
I’m Still Here
So this is me right now. I’m still here. I’m just drowning a bit but I’m here. Follow my Kilimanjaro hashtag and stay with me on this journey on Instagram. #marisclimbskili
Also don’t miss the big launch of the third and awesome Muppie Lounge range. I will probably only write a post about the new range after Kilimanjaro but the clothes will speak for themselves.
Thank you to everyone for supporting me, all the love and for believing in me. I see you and I appreciate you. Also a happy birthday to my hero today. Happy birthday daddy, may God bless you and us with many years to come. Looking forward to spending time with you on the mountain.